i'm doing it wrong

i'm certainly not doing it right - that's for sure. thanks much, anonymous commenter, for kindly reminding me how blogs work. you are supposed to add posts one by one. you are not a-sposed to remove them, one by one. i'll try to remember this going forward. i just get confused sometimes. wait. no. i don't. i took that last post down because it had become meaningless. truthfully, it was meaningless when i posted it. however, i have now basically done something to counter it in my life so i took it down because i wanted to post something regarding a similar topic that has far more meaning at this point. get. ex. cited.

so guess what. i rule. i've said it before, and i'm sayin' it again. i rule. and, i'm more than happy to esplain why in this very post. but first, i would like to say a few words about some other things because i think it's important to veer off topic from time to time because then i can ensure that people have no idea what i'm talking about or why or if i'm even still talking about the same thing or something different or what. i think it's important to create a spaghetti tangle in whatever you do in life. this applies to conversation, relationships, cables behind your giant hd tv, corporate america, etc. just whatever you do, make sure it's confusing enough that no one person can come in and figure it all out and cause everything to be easily understood and clear. i mean, that would just be ridiculous. so next time you find yourself in life, try to tangle it all up and cause peoples' brains to fart. do it for me. haha. i just wrote fart. i bet you're thinking about farts now. you're weird.

ok, why do i rule so much. well, it all comes down to me being 30. and awesome. i pretty much decided to take myself sailing in the caribbean this past week. because i could. i just got back and to be more honest than i've ever been in life, it was the greatest thing i've ever done. at first, i was a little anxious about going to a tropical island by myself, but i forged ahead because some crazy strong unknown force was pulling me down there. all i knew was that i had to go. i had to go if i ever wanted to live my life effectively again. and you know what? i've been talking about either moving to a tropical island or sailing in the caribbean since high school. and, you wanna know what else? i realized that i hadn't really sailed in the caribbean and obviously didn't live on a tropical island. so, sort of last minute, i booked a flight, hotel, and sailing. it was a short holiday week so it worked out sort of perfectly.

well guess what. i figured it all out while i was down there. i literally mean everything. i've never been more sure of anything. this is why it was the greatest thing i've ever done. i guess the sailing in the caribbean part might have helped me to relax and be able to think more clearly... if you've never been, please promise yourself to go eventually. i can't think of anything else like it - you in your shorts and bikini top, sunscreen, shades, ice-cold presidente in hand, cutting through the indigo blue water with the wind in your hair, a smile on your face. and if you use that sunscreen appropriately, look forward to the best tan you've ever had in your life.

now, clearly that can't be the end of the greatest week of my entire life. while i was there sailing by myself with a totally amazing crew, i met 'vacation friends'. believe it or not, i wasn't the only lone 30-something in the tropics who was escaping from life. there were two others and we found each other on this magical sailboat. it was there that i met dr. 'a' and ms. 'e'. we bonded almost instantly and then within hours, had decided to become travel friends. so, not only did i figure out my entire life while sailing in one of the most beautiful places on earth, i had also met at least one ridiculously awesome person every single day. ridiculous.

so that's why i removed the old post. looking back, it was really just a placeholder for the greatness to come. the previous trip was with family and wasn't the greatest thing ever. while i was there though, i did find the islands to be very much to my liking. i normally dislike other cities/towns/etc, but even amid the travel and family, i had decided that i was pretty sure i loved this place. and, this newfound love affair i have with islands is definitely a topic for another deep (and lengthy) discussion.

and on good friday no less

i'm gonna say probably yes. you guys. you're terrible.

oh, silly IT guys

when I.T. guys refer to their respective teams as "the dark side", i just laugh to myself because there's no IT dark side. if we were living in the show "charmed", there would obviously be a dark side and we would obviously be the power of three fighting it. but much to my dismay, we're not. man i wish we were living in that show though. seriously. so anyway, IT teams aren't dark. if by dark you mean, lazy and difficult, then by all means. "dark" it is.

with IT, it's funny to me because a lot of these people actually believe their team is somehow dark or perhaps cool and that's why they say dark because it would completely negate the cool if they labeled it as such. most people can't say that they think they're cool and get away with it. (some people can. if you're them, call me. we should hang.) whenever i hear someone referencing this "dark" team, i liken it to two people mildly debating something really inconsequential. take bagels for example - if i start talking to you about the different types of bagels and we realize that you always go for whole grain ones and i always go for poppyseed ones, but then one day we're having bagels and you decide to discard your whole grain routine and hard left into a poppyseed one... whoa! welcome to the dark side, my friend!

i think that's precisely what i would say. and believe to be true. because bagels are a dark subject. and by dark, i don't think i mean cool. bagels aren't really that cool when you think about it. they're just yet another thing for us to warm and rub salted butter all over. wait. hold on a second here. why did you just let me take this there. geez. if i have to police myself, obviously the police will end up in my kitchen, drunk, perhaps high, rocking a pair of giant black wrap-around britney sunglasses, dancing to melissa manchester's greatest hits in ways they wouldn't want captured on photo and posted somewhere very, very public.

your new kicks are blinding me

i've got something really important to discuss here. i don't know how much i have to say on the matter so, whatever. in true seinfeld fashion, people in airports wearing brand new shoes, what. is. the. deal. i've been noticing that nearly all of the non-business travelers in airports are doing it and i can't make any sense of the scenario.

when you fly somewhere for business or leisure, you have to account for 2 hours prior to the flight, the duration of the flight, and then another potential 90 - 120 minutes after for good logistical measure. and don't forget about delays. your effing plane could be coming from or heading to o'hare. in addition to the time commitment, you must also figure that there will be walking. and when i say walking, i mean it sister. you'll potentially walk like it's your last day of walking. ever. there can only be a handful of golden-oldies strapped to that giant, geriatric, continental golf cart. and realistically, you're probably not going to be one of them.

so why, given what you know of the duration of time you'll be on your precious feet, would you wear brand new shoes? shoes that you don't know and shoes that you don't trust. they're not old pals. you don't know what they're capable of. if you don't know why i'm even asking because your analysis of the situation leads you to thoughts of instant comfort, then i guess you're not wearing cool shoes. and if you're not, that's ok. not everyone can be like me. i'm pretty sure these young baggy pants guys, girls of all ages, their moms, and grandma-types are planning to depart for their cute little trips and say "hey, you know what would be fun? if i went out and got new shoes for the trip! yay!". i think that's what's running through their pretty little minds.

i also have another theory... but of course. a lot of the time i see new sneakers. obviously sneakers make good sense for walking-intensive travel. however, if you had to go out and buy sneakers for the trip because you didn't have any to begin with, well, that just tells me that america probably should be overweight. if you didn't have the sneakers, you haven't been exercising and that's why america is so fat. now that i've conjectured all over this post, i think that's pretty much what's happening. america is fat and lazy so obviously all people in airports are wearing brand new shoes. really pretty obvious. you should've stopped me back at golden-oldies.

if the guy in the cube next door doesn't quit adjusting his sinus cavity, i'm going to get physical. and not in a good way.

some advice

never let anyone get this bad a picture of you.








eeeeeee.

military alphabet

recently i decided to ensure i knew the military alphabet words. i mean, you never know when you're gonna need them. and since i care about people so much (you), i thought it would be helpful if i provided them here as your easy reference. no need to thank me. i know how much you appreciate it. x-ray, oscar. x-ray, oscar.

A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu

real quick

i don't know why everyone's afraid to just say it. so... me being the straight shooter that i am will help us out right here and now. we're in a recession. call it a day on all the fancy footwork. we're there.

on the subject of dogs boating, i like it. please watch the video in the link i'm providing. click on 'play commercial' in the top right. i'm pretty sure it will take you to the banner with the dog. if not, close out and try again until you see the dog. and don't get all "i'm too busy to click and close". you're not busy. you're here. i bet you should probably be focused on work or something right now but you're reading blogs instead. do what i say. i'm in charge.

if after you view said commercial, you find that it does not warm your heart, you're dead inside. go stand by fires and put them out with your ice cold heart.

ok. kisses.

http://www.discoverboating.com//

(or just be lazy and click this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0huSamSeys)