how tampons changed my life

seriously. i think it's time i told you about this. if you just yakked all over your desk, i'll come clean it up. wait. that's gross. you clean it up.

no i know. i know. where the h have i been. did the old mafioso really steal me away to the caribbean. did i die. did i finally start to dance for money. did work really chew me up and spit me out a 40 story skyscraper window and leave me as goop on the street below (well, yes as a matter of fact). did i forget that i had a blog; or worse, a faithful blog readership. no. no is the answer to six of the seven questions.

please accept my sincere apology.

so what happened here - i grew more disappointed in myself than one should ever and it was dark and cold and hollow and empty. that's what happened here. and when you find yourself in this state that you and solely you helped yourself into, you hit the distilled grapes and safety of your giant sofa and pajamas (or really just the same few articles of clothing, repeatedly). hard. there are still good days and bad days, but overall, i think the worst is behind me. if you ever want to hear this story's highlights, come to cleveland, hit ciroc, i'll speak at length, you can ask if i'm really telling the truth. we will explore our depths together and discuss our feelings. let me know if this is a party you want to be at and i'll assign roles for everyone upon arrival. check.

i do feel very badly about how i disappeared for ages. the fact of the matter is that my work situation really did turn into something dark and cold to me and then, when i did have an official, true shot at escaping, the new employer really effed my shit up good (pardon the french grammar). that's what i've been doing since mid-january; trying to get back to good. i might be just about back and that's why i'm here to apologize and start the literal expression once more. there was much vodka and much nelly furtado 'say it right'. no-oh you don't mean n-uh-thin at all to me-ee... (not you though. the people at place of employment b)

so i'm back and i'm better and i'm here to rock you like a hurricane. forgive me and we can have a kick-off and get this place all crazy-face delicious again.