case closed. eventually.

i have some things that i'm going to say here because i can't say them where i need to say them. they're nomads; i'll never get the chance to get them back to their home. something happens on a fairly regular quarterly basis that causes me to go into a relapse. in light of the most recent occurrence, i'm now trying to be on the road to closure and this has to be a stop along the way. don't comment on any of this if you're going to annoy me. everyone and everything annoy me so maybe you just don't comment on this post. seriously. i'm pretty sure i have to let it run its course but i would love to help it end sooner and this seems like an activity that could assist. somehow.

i want to see pictures of you at the ages of 5,7,9,11,14,18,21. i want to know what you've got loaded on your mp3 player. i want to cuddle with you by the fire on the evening following especially seasonal holiday activities. i wonder what you're doing right now. i want to be aimless in stores with you. i don't want to just be a friend. i want to be with you most hours of my life. i want my heart to stop racing because you make it do that. i want to bottle the nervous/anxious/excited/calm your presence brings. i want to take you to my reunions. i want to travel everywhere with you. i bet you wouldn't want to kill the giant spiders either. i want to be the one you call as soon as the plane lands. i want to braise meats and veggies for you. i want to get snowed in while we're visiting your parents. i want to watch as mine fall in love with you. i wonder if you caught that song like i did. i wish i could remember what life was like before you. i want us to (blank) (blank) in the (blank). i want to sleep in your pajama top. i want to give you an alias so we can crash open houses on sundays. i hate that we can't be together.

my mom invented the internet.