you get all concernicus

this is probably getting old, but greg evigan was in front of me in traffic today. i know you're wondering how i could possibly get all the luck. by luck, i obviously mean tina yothers, markie post, and greg evigan -only 3 of the greatest 'stars' to ever walk the 80s sitcom street. well, actually, my only logical guess is that it had to be greg evigan because who else would have the 'my2dads' personalized plates on his white, '94 taurus. i mean really.

there's much to ponder during the morning rides to work. today i was dissecting 'no outlet' signs. they tell us that the street(s) in the little development across the way have no other exit route to any of the other fine parts of the city, so don't try it. you'll be sad to find that they really meant 'no outlet'. now, this could be helpful in only 1 of 2 situations because the single, twenty-something who's lost on his way to co-worker dave's bbq for all couples (and him) knows he can turn around anywhere he wants, especially the no outlet street, but probably won't just so he can be late and can spend less time at the thing. it's really only helpful to the driver who's leading the police on a wild, high-speed chase through the 'burbs (or wherever) because he or she knows to avoid that avenue as part of their strategery to lose the smokey on the motorcycle, because hello, there's no outlet. so that's pretty much what i came up with this morning.

but coincidentally, friday night on my way home from my ballet date, i saw a stand-off in progress on the other side of i-71 at midnight. the cops were in full effect, like 5 cars all flashing, and they were standing in position, with arms drawn on the suspect (who was weaving around the interstate with his hands in the air). i only experienced it for the 2 or 3 seconds as i flew past, but it was awesome. i got chills. the perp had like long hippie hair and reminded me of charles manson a little. i got home and big don told me that that right there is why i should get home sooner, because of the crazies who are milling around i-71 at midnight on fridays, who will get me.

call me when you grow some junk

a few things. steph and i went to see the ballet in the park on friday night. it was fan. i just shortened it. (fantastic for those not up to speed on the latest ling-trends.) so for the record, steph did NOT come up with that. i love the ballet and opera so this evening in the park with the arts stuff was right in my court. steph packed listerine wine and cheese and we laughed about old college times as we watched grown men dance in skin colored tights which essentially made us feel like they were naked. it was excellent. we also decided that we had a really nice date and that one of us should get man parts since we have so much fun together. i vote for steph. oh, our hippie/lawyer/magistrate sorority chapter advisor was there with her husband and babies and if there's a man for her, there's a man for me.

what else. i hate technology. i hate when i have to spend 30-some hours in one weekend making old shit talk to new shit because someone forgot to loop me in a few months ago. that's why i signed up for some really interesting fun that will take $1100 out of my house account but make me unbelievably happier around november or december. i can't wait to finish it and then tell you what it is. i love that people are going to be all crazy because i won't say what it is here. ok. i'll tell you. i signed up to be a stripper because i can't tell you how much i enjoy peeling off clothing and singles from my cash wad at the grocery store when i'm in a line with all men. they always stare. and you totally know they're wondering if any of those singles belong to them from the other night. i also taught my 7-month old niece about the importance of jewelry from tiffany's today. she's on the right track, i'll tell you that much.

i'm gonna run 2 miles now and then maybe have a beer. steph and i used to work out in college and drink beer instead of water while we ran or whatever. i highly reccommend it. i don't care if it's 12am and a school night. do it.

can you handle the fudge

so thanks to john for posting drunk last night. much appreciated. and thanks to the blizzard fan club for the ever so clever title i used. i mean really. can you handle the fudge.

as for the bathroom fibers post, i'm only a little sorry. if i have to see it, you have to hear about it. you would think that people don't want to do the big stuff at work to begin with, but then to not ensure of its flush? i'm now going to give you an example of something i might bubble letter on this whiteboard in the bathroom at work since more than a few people have inquired on these mystery fibers;

"dear RT, if you insist on having stuffed cabbage for breakfast, please don't. it's effing disgusting when i have to see it after it comes out."

you're all very very gross. sorry, russ. i know you didn't want to know. that should just about do it for the fibers though, so let's move on.

now to offset all the disgustion from above, i'm going to have you chew on a story from my days in the first grade.

i sat next to a boy whose initials were MH and he was really cute (short dark messy hair, 52lbs, giant feet, nice). he would always sit there beside me just sketching things, and very well for a 6yr-old i might add. one day, like all good first graders, we were watching a filmstrip about dinosaurs. but halfway into the filmstrip, i started to feel sick. (don't worry. i did not vomit on anyone in this story.) i went over to mrs. m-co to get her in on my situation and she pretty much just sent me back to my seat since this short film was pretty short (and riveting). i notice MH starting to sketch something across the aisle but i don't think much of it. turns out old MH was paying pretty close attention though because once the filmstrip was over, he slid a little black and white drawing over to my desk that he had made especially for me since i wasn't feeling well. you'll never guess what it was. ok. yep. you guessed it. it was none other than an 18-wheeler truck drawn in first grade safety pencil, complete with shading and my initials all over the one side of the cabin. it made me feel so special that i almost forgot how sick i felt for those few moments before the teacher's aide came to take me to the nurse (where i may or may not have vomitted on stuff).

i love ya MH. hope you're not in some jail somewhere today.

i'm busy. you're ugly. have a nice day.

we need whiteboards in the bathrooms at work, like college. when someone would leave used 'pons or traces of fibers floating in the 'let, we would simply leave scathing bubble letter notes for each other on the board and then brooch the subject at chapter meetings and at all meals in the u. um hello, "ladies", you're effing disgusting. your 1 job is to flush and ensure that flushing actually occurs. i don't care about any of your other tasks in there. wipe, don't wipe. whatever. if you're reading this, stop leaving 'fibers'. i'll puke on you since i have a photographic memory and can actually picture the shoes you wear. yet sadly, i don't think any of you are reading this. oh hey, don't think that i can't photographically recall what the fibers look like either. you're gross. big don sucks for making me inherit this photographic h from her.

hey speaking of markie post, she was in traffic behind me last week which is crazy because remember when tina yothers was? anywho, markie was back there in her silver, mini-suv, with her blond markie post, fluffy, straightened, mullet-doo applying her damn lipstick. it was funny. i thought of you guys.

peaches. i cannot believe i forgot about how awesome peaches are. if you are in need of snack, i suggest you go get some peaches. or, perhaps just 1. i don't care. they're delicious. i guess i got so mad at bananas that i just stopped paying attention to like, all fruit, except for blueberries, which i was still hanging out with because they generally rule when you freeze them and then enjoy them on warm summer days and nights. obviously. so in summary, i'll build a house inside of you. peace. taggin out.

august 31st

so i got the call. i'm goin to the show. well ok, i'm not going to the show, but i am getting the keys to my brand new house on august 31st. when i read the email from matt, i became catatonic and was momentarily paralyzed because i couldn't breathe. i've been waiting for this day since december and i never thought it would come and i don't even know how i made it to august. so get excited - i'm throwin a kegger for labor day. well ok, i'm not, but i could if i wanted to. now for the tagging. f u sarah.

10 years ago: i was in show choir with 'rachel' hair

5 years ago: i was very very drunk in my 'glamorous' big 5 consulting job

1 year ago: i was graduating from grad school, nocturnal, and only a little drunk

Yesterday: i was milling around home depot, not at all drunk

Tomorrow: i will mill around home depot

5 snacks I enjoy: snyders sourdough nibblers, beer, oreo blizzards, and that's it

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: britney spears, the smiths, billy joel, frank sinatra, hall & oates

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000: give family and friends what they need to live comfortably/happily, buy more real estate, open a golf course, buy some really unstable/risky stocks, produce broadway shows

5 locations I'd like to run away to: vancouver, paris, napa, french polynesia, seattle

5 bad habits I have: judging, expecting too much, not wearing a seatbelt, usually driving over 80mph, fearing comittment

5 things I like doing: golfing, sitting outside in the fall drinking red wine, driving and listening to my favorite songs really loud, 'designing' homes, when my mom, sister, niece, and i have a girls day

5 things I will never wear: turtleneck tops of any variety, shorts of any variety, a pinky ring, red clothing in general, white on white mom-dad sneakers

5 TV shows I like: will & grace, reno 911, cbs sunday morning, howard hanna/smythe cramer showcase of homes, gilmore girls

5 movies I like: 10 things i hate about you, dazed and confused, caddyshack, animal house, van wilder

5 people I'd like to meet: dane cook, ryan reynolds, bill clinton, (people i wanna do, right?) and why not - hillary and chelsea too

5 biggest joys at the moment: bella, max, beatrice, the lunch buddies, fridays

5 favorite toys: the auditor website, xm radio, my new house, howardhanna.com, my callaway driver

i am tagging virgil.

we all want 38

i'm not really very happy right now (in the profound sense) so here are some of the little things about life that make me feel better.

• pedicures
• one extremely bitter golden microbrew-ish lager
• spontaneously taking off work on perfect weather days
• spontaneity
• golf
• my house
• my small poodle
• my niece
• real estate
• scarf belts
• scarves
• starbucks
• fall, the moon, & halloween