all i need is this paddle-ball game. and these matches. and this clock. and...

hi friends. hope everyone had a nice xmas and will soon have a great new years. my week's been pretty enjoyable because i got to make the braised lamb again, watched my niece turn 1, hung the rest of my window treatments with power tools, took apart my breakfast bar pendant lights, and realized that the xmas season is slowly ushering out and i don't have to take any xmas lights down!! sorry, sarah. yours are very beautiful but now you have go outside and take them down and i know that will make you annoyed and sad since you'll have to 1, take them down, and 2, i know you totally don't want to. anyways, i'm glad that i don't have to do that.

i saw martha's new daytime show for the first time this week and i really find it delightful. i was lucky enough to catch the halloween episode, which unfortunately featured rosie o'donnell. she's QUITE obnoxious and at one point, i wasn't sure who was hosting the show and then i was just pissed b/c i knew it SHOULDN'T have been ro-hulk, but it was. then i realized how much anger and outrage i still harbor for martha's time in prison. there are no words for the animosity i feel towards one of the most intelligent, powerful women in america going to prison on a faulty charge when enron guys are out and about running fancy free with little to no worries about their futures. island, people. i'm starting an island and this kind of shit won't fly there. you'll be shot in the ass or foot or something. martha and hillary will be running it with my assistance and bill will also be around because we like him so much. oh man. it sounds like heaven on earth.

i'll leave you with a picture of the view from my dining room on xmas and one of my niece on her first birthday. happy b-day bellachino and a safe and happy new year to all of you.

man have i been getting tagged a lot

really does a number on the old chole. what? anyway. here are my 5 strange habits.

• i always dispose of the sourdough nibblers that aren't in 'bloom'. the ones that stayed closed and didn't transform into a nibbler get tossed because they're not as much fun to eat. they taste just as delicious as the bloomers but i refuse to eat them.
• for as long as i can remember, i only get in and out of bed on the left side. i haven't exited to the right for probably 20 years. i don't know why, but i won't even consider the right side that's adjacent to the bathroom, even in emergencies.
• i only drink coffee through one of those stirrer-straw thingies, never just regular.
• i refuse to eat jello and i don't know why.
• i never touch my face and i won't let anyone else do it either. it's a weird face thing i have that's kinda like mary's brother warren's ear issues in 'something about mary'.

ok, two other thoughts for u bitches. who does john look like in this picture? i kinda think favreau and he thinks mcconaughey. it's from a few years ago when we still sat in the pod at work and liked to play dress-up with the random articles of clothing we found on our floor. and the other thing, i think i want to tag rachel mcadams. yeah. i do.

the price is wrong, bob

this is an actual email from a work douche. what an effing douche. how many commas should one use to separate one sentence? apparently 17 is the answer. also, i'm not working extra hours at xmas and new year's because your dumb team is incompetent. eff u.

All,
I agree with Sue, at this point, as we have been during the past month, we need to look at extra hours. I realize this is hard with the holidays, and we should look to make it as productive as possible. If there are groups that have dependencies, for file transfers or processing, please discuss when you can all be available at the same time, so are productive as possible during those extra hours.
Bob

keep your goddamn tongues off active, live, cultured bacteria on aluminum foil

so ok. here you go. jan made me think of this the other day. those guys over at yoplait collect their own yogurt lids for the benefit of breast cancer. it's admirable and i commend them - i really do. it reminds me hedge funds. however, jan for instance, she licks the lid and then sends it to yoplait. um...hello?? hi! how disgusting would my life be if i had to work at yoplait in the lid collection department. holy eff dudes. i would like, have to punch myself in the neck if my job entailed thousands upon millions of licked-up lids at.my.fingertips. it made me throw up in my mouth a little when i came to this conclusion, as i'm sure it's doing to you right this very second.

do it for me, your cheesecakepot. try to either rinse the lid if you're sending it to yoplait, OR, just wrap that shit up in a napkin or whatever and then place it aside and dispose of it inside the yogurt cup when you're finished. or just throw it away at your time of commencement. you owe me. you do.

i hate sandra bernhard, but yay for mango margaritas

first off, sarah, so glad we did your b-day friday night. that was a good time. you were so frigging drunk, i could hardly believe my eyes. i'm glad that firefall's 'you are the woman' is our song. thanx for the memories. i love ya hor. let's do happy hour on your actual b-day.

secondly, the cyndi lauper concert crew, it's not usually a good idea to see one of your favorite 80s icons twice in 3 years, but i think she was able to bridge the gap. her songs make you feel pretty wonderful so i'm glad we went and got a good dose of her crazy energy. she's literally a rock star. she laid on the stage and moved around with her legs during 'i drove all night' (like michael j. fox at the chicken under the sea dance in 'back to the future'). cyndi's a diva. steph's gonna try to become one. we'll all come pay $40 to see you dr. hor. cyndi rocks. sandra bernhard however... i wanna punch that stupid beotch in the eye. she literally brought the mood of like 5000 people way way down. um, bitter, stupid bitch isn't something to turn into a stand-up act. holy eff. we're not easily offended, but she managed to offend us. jill sobule opened and made us so high and happy, and then sandra bernhard like pounced on us and figuratively kicked us in the stomach. fuck you sandra. you're in a concert hall of 5000 major lefty democrats, don't fucking tell us to do our job in the next election and that you piss on cleveland. know your audience. seriously, we all applauded when she said she only had 5min left. horrible buzzkill. the crew decided that she is our least favorite word in the english vernacular (C-U-N-ext-T-uesday) so that's pretty bad. things came way back up when cyndi graced us and opened with 'all through the night' - my all-time, personal favorite. cyndi, you are magical.

back to sunshine, i think i have a new crush. yay. ;) i started to get into xmas for the first time in years and it might be his fault. damn you, cottonwood (or c-dub) -that's what i'm gonna call him for now. this lucky boy is going to get asked out by me in the next few weeks. seriously, how lucky can one guy be? anyway, today i decorated a tree, listened to charlie brown's xmas cd, shoveled my driveway, hung a xmas wreath on my door, ate the most fantastic dark chocolate covered espresso beans, and instituted margarita sunday nights. see below. come over and bring lime chips.