there are a couple things on my mind that i must share with you at this time. if you are familiar with my yogurt lid issue, this is tied with that. i do not like ice-cream trucks - the old-fashioned kind that you may or may not recall from the days of your youth. i don't recall them. apparently, my neighborhood wasn't good to go. we didn't have them. now that i'm 28 and ice-cream gives me heartburn, i have them. fuck that. that's the first two-part reason why i loathe them.
second, they remind me of a sinister treat wagon that's capable of stealing children, like in chitty-chitty bang bang. i was forced to search my soul for these answers yesterday because my cousin's in town and she was over for dinner last night when the cream wagon was trolling around the gate. i expressed my idiosyncratic weirdness toward the vehicle and she didn't understand how someone could hate a van that sells door-to-door frozen creamy snacks. long story short, i had to figure this out last night.
the other topic i would like to get off my giant chest - the girl that lives behind me (sara) just tried to get me engaged to the 'single man' in the gate. here's the deal: there's a woman named valerie who lives 3 doors down. she has a brother who lives 3 streets over. his name is dave and he's single. i guess it's rare for single people to build homes so the others are on the lookout for these scenarios and ensure that the 2 single people know of them as well. which, i'm fine with. i'm up for a single-dave scenario. he has a house in my neighborhood and i know that's not too shabby for rachel. i'll keep ya posted. by the way, i had known sara for approximately 40 seconds when she came up with this idea. why is america obsessed with marriage?
oh. another thing, i have major spider fright. there are 2 more breeds of spider on my property. i discovered them today. originally, i thought i just had giant wolf spiders that have a body the size of my thumb and those long legs that have a bend (much like your traditional, black halloween spider that they all depict for my xmas, which by the way makes for good irony. halloween is my xmas but spiders scare the bejesus out of me). these 2 new guys are MUCH furrier and MUCH blacker. they also include white markings on their hourglass shaped bodies. one is a jumping spider and the other, i can't find on the internet. it's furry black with an hourglass body that has a white hourglass marking. i'm serious, they could take out a mid-sized village if they got angry enough. i think we'll be able to cohabitate if they just stay on their side. i told them about the agreement i have with spiders, that they need to stay outside or there will be a bloodbath. i know they understand what i'm telling them. they must because they are constantly in the garage and that's a grey area. see how tricky they are?
No comments:
Post a Comment