anonymous probably hates sarah...

...or what 5 things do you miss about your childhood?

Tagged by Sarah at Okay Seriously - (okay, i seriously hate you)
But first the rules to this meme game:

Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. so anyway...
2. both hands
3. Forward Motion
4. Okay Seriously [most awesome blog ever... seriously]
5. i probably hate you

Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).

1. shop dungarees
2. lucky pink
3. LibbY!

Your turn:
1. running around the yard with no pants on
2. entire street flashlight-tag tournaments
3. legos/sandbox hour with scott m. (or scottie pottie)
4. halloween night with all my cousins
5. everything about my grandfather

doot-dooooo-doo-doo-doo

i found an old friend today. if the video doesn't just start playing, click the link to the bottom left. this kept me busy for at least an hour.

http://www.koreus.com/files/200405/mahnamahna.html

free falling

i came up with some things.

• i could watch movie trailers and only movie trailers and that would be ok.
• hoover has the dumbest commercials for their dumb vacuums. some people are standing beside vacuums saying that their vacuum makes them look good. ridiculous.
• it's really cheap to build a house. the bills just stop coming.
• saw the first 30min of 'hitch'. wow.
• it's possible for me to get heartburn from toast.
• i have to move out of my parents' house for the first time, ever, in less than 45 days.
• the war hit my neighborhood for the first time this weekend and has changed me forever.

hey nineteen

i was putting new grips on my golf clubs last night and tore a giant, raw wound into the side of my right thumb and wow is that an important body part that gets more use than i would've thought. i'm basically an idiot and it's basically a burning, raw, large, open blister and chris at work asked me to please cover it so i put my left hand over my right hand for him. also, if someone knows dan's email address, they should give it to me so i can get him to regrip the last 5 eye 2's i didn't get to if he wants me to carry him on my back in that scramble next weekend.

incidentally, someone found john's lost 2way pager and paged me today. it said this: 'i'm agree with you too. who's your mama'. ok. what? it didn't seem like john and i had already heard that his pager was lost so i may have then wished them luck in their surgery where they get their nizzies whacked and erik may have also paged them something about getting the old nutbag sliced. and then maybe sarah also did something like that. not sure. i'm guessing this psychopath saw that he/she was dealing with several much bigger psychopaths.

there's a room where the light won't find you

hey, i didn't meet any boys at my dad's cousin's kid's high school graduation party. well, wait. would you count my dad's cousin's wife's sister's husband? because i met him for the first time on saturday.

what else. i completely wasted the day today. i got up at 8:30,looked at pictures of my house for 30 minutes, made breakfast for max, brewed up some coffee, drank the cofffee while i watched 'sunday morning' with a stand-in for charles osgood, finished up my laundry, ran 3 miles, burned 2 CDs, finally took a shower at like 2pm, got dressed, visited my sister and bellie to get coupons, and then hit the mall for a father's day present and went to starbucks. THEN, i came home to feed max again and watch a little bit of 50 first dates on HBO and started thinking about how my sister's husband said there's a lid for every pot, then i went to take a few pictures of my house since the sky was blue and then came home and had a beer. all in all it was a pretty nice little sunday.

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

it wasn't so much my party as it was my cousin's weekend wedding marathon, 2005. my sister and i blessed it with this well-deserved title given the length and events of the last 72 hours. let me just state for the record that i'm NEVER getting married. it's now more absolutely official than it's ever been. not only did the actual wedding festivities last for 3 days, but it was extremely ethnic given our ridiculous heritage, which i'm not going to dwell on. it was ethnic and long and i'll now furnish the old blog with the thoroughly inconsequential highlights.

- it's time that the toothless guests charged up some dental work on the plastic. good god wedding groupies. you guys need to lay off the expensive clothes, shoes, purses, and cars and do something about the teeth you don't really have. well ok. i'm sorry. you do each have like 2 or 3 per person. whatever your case is, stop smiling at me. it's very unsettling.

- i finally got a breath of fresh air a few hours ago. i've been in a cloud of heavy, heavy cologne, perfume, and smoke and was starting to think i would get more relief if i would've just had my groomsman partner guy drive me in our non-air conditioned crap-trap right over to the asbestos store so i could inhale some glass particles.

- estranged brother of the bride and cousin of mine, i really really don't care for you and will not spare any squirts of pee if ever you needed them to save your life. thanx for crashing the reception with your actual hor.

- mother nature, hey you big beotch. i couldn't have asked for a more humid, 85 degree day in early june to have to spend 86 hours in wedding day hell.

- the bartenders who reached ice-cold miller lite cans out of an ice-filled bucket for me all evening were truly terrific. man i love you guys. favorite part of the wedding. hands down.

- when there's no dj and the band is a non-english speaking ethno-pop situation, it's more fun than i can describe.

- when they tell you that the cake is some sort of chocolate/raspberry torte, i expect some pretty fantasticly elaborate chocolate/raspberry torte not a spongecake with red jelly. goddamnyoustupideffingliars.

- if you're the bride, do not make the priest (and your entire wedding party & groom) wait an hour for you in the parking lot at the rehearsal because you incorrectly timed the manicure stuff. the wedding party and groom will still do just about everything you ask for but the priest will make your reception kick-off start an hour late because he feels like it and because he's a bitter, bitter man.

- oh, this is actually my favorite part of the whole eternal mess. everyone speaks the native language to each other all the live-long day with complete disregard for the non-speakers, or me. fortunately danielle doesn't speak the language so she was in her own little world for 97% of the nightmare. they would resort to periodically stopping and yelling my name like chevy chase yells 'rusty!' in the national lampoon movies. i'd be right next to them with my 'yeah dad' every damn time.

the wedding rituals this troop requires encompass 6 hours of hall-decorating the day before, 2.5 hours of rehearsal because some poeple have no respect for other peoples' time, a 6 hour send-off party at the bride's house the morning of, 60 minutes in the church for the actual wedding, 60 minutes in the church for all the post pcitures with friends and family, 6-10 hours at the hall for the reception, then another 6 hours the day after for 'day 2'. i knew it was all coming. it cost maid-of-honor-me $675 to be in it.

the wedding prep bullshit in last month has been building up inside me like a volcano and finally erupted friday and saturday. first and foremost, i don't understand the concept of marriage. i will never be able to rationalize how people can enter into this binding contract/institution willingly for 'eternity'. i can't even articulate my thoughts on people that do it 2 or 3 times. and the giant, exhorbitant wedding day party, that's just immature. if you do think you've found yourself a partner that you love and want to spend countless hours with for the rest of your life, your focus should be on that, not the kick-off party and its worthless flowers/decorations/nail polish/jewelry/gowns/shoes/hair/food/napkins/ice/lace/white lights/candles/archways/bridal-car-line-up details. is this shit about your new life with a true love or how many strings of white lights, fake flowers, and clear-topped push pins did or did not make it into the decor of the reception hall ?

u wanna watch cheese or snow

advice and stuff:
if your name is dana, it's probably best not to go into showbiz cuz you'll end up dying at a young age. i'm talkin' dana hill and dana plato. and ice-cream trucks have begun to revisit my scene. you know how some people feel weird about clowns? that's how i feel about ice-cream trucks. they're like big creepy circus-show clown freak ice-machines on wheels with the scary little pipe music. and i'm sitting on my back patio watching birds poop, because that's literally all there is to see. they stand all straight and proper and then just start pooping. impressive.

so i've been pretty exhausted lately and i don't really have an explanation for why. instead of discussing that though, i'm going to tell a story of when a boy was naked with me in my dorm room. 'some people' need to read about this and like to hear about when i was fun and crazy. he's fine. also, the college i went to was located in a city that didn't allow greek houses, so we had to live in the dorms on floors that were specific to our greek organizations so that's why me and 60 phees lived in the dorms our senior year. we were living in our 'house'.

it was my senior year and i had just landed my first job for after graduation. it literally transpired in this order; hot bobby calls to offer me the job around 1pm. i dance around and call my family until 1:45pm. then steph and i take a nap around 2 because that's what college seniors do. my sorority sisters and i then headed out to happy hour around 5:30. we hit that shit hard for a good 4 hours and then headed to bar #2, old faithful. we're all up in there for a ton of shots with JD. he was our age and also a senior with us but reminded me of a creepy molester/stalker, but he was a really really good dude. sorry if you're reading this, JD. but you could be construed as creepy if someone didn't know you. anyhoo...we were hanging with JD and filtering around old tiny little jack's. good times from what i remember. i start dancing obviously and end up 'wrangling' a bit of a man on the dance floor. it was my big day after all and i was feeling sassy. we'll call him JR. we're all over each other and it's probably starting to make people wanna vomit. i don't know how it went down, but we ended up at the bar where JD and steph were. i told them 'we' were leaving and steph thought it was a good idea so she starts heading out with us. whoa there nelly, this is a private party. JD stops her as he sees that someone had re-discovered her beer goggles. it didn't even occur to me to stop her because i was that hammered.

so JR and i begin our journey to the dorms. i don't remember the walk, but i remember what happened next... mostly. we get to my room and basically start going at each other like really hungry, wild chipmunks. i have no idea how long the festivities lasted. i know we were not wearing clothing though because i distinctly remember JR not being of the colony that subscribes to undergarments. overall, it was fun but not very good. i guess it's fine when you're both drunk, but never when he's the only one drunk because there's no way he'll be able to get anything up. we can discuss this another time. at some point, steph comes home with our friend kyle. they unknowingly barge right in and find us promptly throwing a cover over ourselves and pretending to sleep. clearly we were drunk morons. like they're gonna think we were sleeping after that ruckus. steph crosses the room to go sit on her bed for a good seat to watch the action. she also pointed out that that goddamn song, 'too close' was playing on the effing radio. you know the piece of crap where they sing about a poke comin' thru. goddammitsteph. kyle ushers her out of the room after about a minute and the mood is dead for JR and me. i get up and head to the common bathroom on our floor where i find 7 or 8 sisters. i figure, it's time to get the boy out of my room. i ask them how to accomplish this. they tell me to tell him that i'm tired. what?? you stupid bitches, that's not gonna work. they then proceed to tell me that maybe i should tell him i feel sick or that steph's on her way home. right on sisters. i head back there and when i get to the room, steph's calling. thanks again dr. hor for your timing there. i have no idea what we spoke of or if we even actually formed sentences, but i do know that i got right off the phone and told JR that she was on her way back. he leaped up and frantically got dressed and darted from old heritage like his butt was on fire. i guess she was scary. who knows. when steph gets back, we re-hash a few of these details and then pass out because we're still working off of probably 15 drinks, each.

the next morning we re-hash AGAIN and then head over to the union for breakfast where we happen upon a few our good buddies. it's there that steph and jarey ask me about JR's underchoices. how could i have forgotten that this dude wasn't wearing boxers or anything? it hit me like an avalanche when they asked. yikes JR. why no panties for you? anyway, they ripped on me until, well, they still are. i can't live it down. don't get me started on jesse's girl doc. don't even get me started.

oh you know what? JR was calling and calling and calling after our interlude. i was obviously ignoring him...because he was not the type of boy one would bring home had she not had 15 beers. good memory to nip your alkie career right in the bud.

so there you have it. a naked boy story. eac.