u wanna watch cheese or snow

advice and stuff:
if your name is dana, it's probably best not to go into showbiz cuz you'll end up dying at a young age. i'm talkin' dana hill and dana plato. and ice-cream trucks have begun to revisit my scene. you know how some people feel weird about clowns? that's how i feel about ice-cream trucks. they're like big creepy circus-show clown freak ice-machines on wheels with the scary little pipe music. and i'm sitting on my back patio watching birds poop, because that's literally all there is to see. they stand all straight and proper and then just start pooping. impressive.

so i've been pretty exhausted lately and i don't really have an explanation for why. instead of discussing that though, i'm going to tell a story of when a boy was naked with me in my dorm room. 'some people' need to read about this and like to hear about when i was fun and crazy. he's fine. also, the college i went to was located in a city that didn't allow greek houses, so we had to live in the dorms on floors that were specific to our greek organizations so that's why me and 60 phees lived in the dorms our senior year. we were living in our 'house'.

it was my senior year and i had just landed my first job for after graduation. it literally transpired in this order; hot bobby calls to offer me the job around 1pm. i dance around and call my family until 1:45pm. then steph and i take a nap around 2 because that's what college seniors do. my sorority sisters and i then headed out to happy hour around 5:30. we hit that shit hard for a good 4 hours and then headed to bar #2, old faithful. we're all up in there for a ton of shots with JD. he was our age and also a senior with us but reminded me of a creepy molester/stalker, but he was a really really good dude. sorry if you're reading this, JD. but you could be construed as creepy if someone didn't know you. anyhoo...we were hanging with JD and filtering around old tiny little jack's. good times from what i remember. i start dancing obviously and end up 'wrangling' a bit of a man on the dance floor. it was my big day after all and i was feeling sassy. we'll call him JR. we're all over each other and it's probably starting to make people wanna vomit. i don't know how it went down, but we ended up at the bar where JD and steph were. i told them 'we' were leaving and steph thought it was a good idea so she starts heading out with us. whoa there nelly, this is a private party. JD stops her as he sees that someone had re-discovered her beer goggles. it didn't even occur to me to stop her because i was that hammered.

so JR and i begin our journey to the dorms. i don't remember the walk, but i remember what happened next... mostly. we get to my room and basically start going at each other like really hungry, wild chipmunks. i have no idea how long the festivities lasted. i know we were not wearing clothing though because i distinctly remember JR not being of the colony that subscribes to undergarments. overall, it was fun but not very good. i guess it's fine when you're both drunk, but never when he's the only one drunk because there's no way he'll be able to get anything up. we can discuss this another time. at some point, steph comes home with our friend kyle. they unknowingly barge right in and find us promptly throwing a cover over ourselves and pretending to sleep. clearly we were drunk morons. like they're gonna think we were sleeping after that ruckus. steph crosses the room to go sit on her bed for a good seat to watch the action. she also pointed out that that goddamn song, 'too close' was playing on the effing radio. you know the piece of crap where they sing about a poke comin' thru. goddammitsteph. kyle ushers her out of the room after about a minute and the mood is dead for JR and me. i get up and head to the common bathroom on our floor where i find 7 or 8 sisters. i figure, it's time to get the boy out of my room. i ask them how to accomplish this. they tell me to tell him that i'm tired. what?? you stupid bitches, that's not gonna work. they then proceed to tell me that maybe i should tell him i feel sick or that steph's on her way home. right on sisters. i head back there and when i get to the room, steph's calling. thanks again dr. hor for your timing there. i have no idea what we spoke of or if we even actually formed sentences, but i do know that i got right off the phone and told JR that she was on her way back. he leaped up and frantically got dressed and darted from old heritage like his butt was on fire. i guess she was scary. who knows. when steph gets back, we re-hash a few of these details and then pass out because we're still working off of probably 15 drinks, each.

the next morning we re-hash AGAIN and then head over to the union for breakfast where we happen upon a few our good buddies. it's there that steph and jarey ask me about JR's underchoices. how could i have forgotten that this dude wasn't wearing boxers or anything? it hit me like an avalanche when they asked. yikes JR. why no panties for you? anyway, they ripped on me until, well, they still are. i can't live it down. don't get me started on jesse's girl doc. don't even get me started.

oh you know what? JR was calling and calling and calling after our interlude. i was obviously ignoring him...because he was not the type of boy one would bring home had she not had 15 beers. good memory to nip your alkie career right in the bud.

so there you have it. a naked boy story. eac.