Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
oh, silly IT guys
when I.T. guys refer to their respective teams as "the dark side", i just laugh to myself because there's no IT dark side. if we were living in the show "charmed", there would obviously be a dark side and we would obviously be the power of three fighting it. but much to my dismay, we're not. man i wish we were living in that show though. seriously. so anyway, IT teams aren't dark. if by dark you mean, lazy and difficult, then by all means. "dark" it is.
with IT, it's funny to me because a lot of these people actually believe their team is somehow dark or perhaps cool and that's why they say dark because it would completely negate the cool if they labeled it as such. most people can't say that they think they're cool and get away with it. (some people can. if you're them, call me. we should hang.) whenever i hear someone referencing this "dark" team, i liken it to two people mildly debating something really inconsequential. take bagels for example - if i start talking to you about the different types of bagels and we realize that you always go for whole grain ones and i always go for poppyseed ones, but then one day we're having bagels and you decide to discard your whole grain routine and hard left into a poppyseed one... whoa! welcome to the dark side, my friend!
i think that's precisely what i would say. and believe to be true. because bagels are a dark subject. and by dark, i don't think i mean cool. bagels aren't really that cool when you think about it. they're just yet another thing for us to warm and rub salted butter all over. wait. hold on a second here. why did you just let me take this there. geez. if i have to police myself, obviously the police will end up in my kitchen, drunk, perhaps high, rocking a pair of giant black wrap-around britney sunglasses, dancing to melissa manchester's greatest hits in ways they wouldn't want captured on photo and posted somewhere very, very public.
with IT, it's funny to me because a lot of these people actually believe their team is somehow dark or perhaps cool and that's why they say dark because it would completely negate the cool if they labeled it as such. most people can't say that they think they're cool and get away with it. (some people can. if you're them, call me. we should hang.) whenever i hear someone referencing this "dark" team, i liken it to two people mildly debating something really inconsequential. take bagels for example - if i start talking to you about the different types of bagels and we realize that you always go for whole grain ones and i always go for poppyseed ones, but then one day we're having bagels and you decide to discard your whole grain routine and hard left into a poppyseed one... whoa! welcome to the dark side, my friend!
i think that's precisely what i would say. and believe to be true. because bagels are a dark subject. and by dark, i don't think i mean cool. bagels aren't really that cool when you think about it. they're just yet another thing for us to warm and rub salted butter all over. wait. hold on a second here. why did you just let me take this there. geez. if i have to police myself, obviously the police will end up in my kitchen, drunk, perhaps high, rocking a pair of giant black wrap-around britney sunglasses, dancing to melissa manchester's greatest hits in ways they wouldn't want captured on photo and posted somewhere very, very public.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
your new kicks are blinding me
i've got something really important to discuss here. i don't know how much i have to say on the matter so, whatever. in true seinfeld fashion, people in airports wearing brand new shoes, what. is. the. deal. i've been noticing that nearly all of the non-business travelers in airports are doing it and i can't make any sense of the scenario.
when you fly somewhere for business or leisure, you have to account for 2 hours prior to the flight, the duration of the flight, and then another potential 90 - 120 minutes after for good logistical measure. and don't forget about delays. your effing plane could be coming from or heading to o'hare. in addition to the time commitment, you must also figure that there will be walking. and when i say walking, i mean it sister. you'll potentially walk like it's your last day of walking. ever. there can only be a handful of golden-oldies strapped to that giant, geriatric, continental golf cart. and realistically, you're probably not going to be one of them.
so why, given what you know of the duration of time you'll be on your precious feet, would you wear brand new shoes? shoes that you don't know and shoes that you don't trust. they're not old pals. you don't know what they're capable of. if you don't know why i'm even asking because your analysis of the situation leads you to thoughts of instant comfort, then i guess you're not wearing cool shoes. and if you're not, that's ok. not everyone can be like me. i'm pretty sure these young baggy pants guys, girls of all ages, their moms, and grandma-types are planning to depart for their cute little trips and say "hey, you know what would be fun? if i went out and got new shoes for the trip! yay!". i think that's what's running through their pretty little minds.
i also have another theory... but of course. a lot of the time i see new sneakers. obviously sneakers make good sense for walking-intensive travel. however, if you had to go out and buy sneakers for the trip because you didn't have any to begin with, well, that just tells me that america probably should be overweight. if you didn't have the sneakers, you haven't been exercising and that's why america is so fat. now that i've conjectured all over this post, i think that's pretty much what's happening. america is fat and lazy so obviously all people in airports are wearing brand new shoes. really pretty obvious. you should've stopped me back at golden-oldies.
if the guy in the cube next door doesn't quit adjusting his sinus cavity, i'm going to get physical. and not in a good way.
when you fly somewhere for business or leisure, you have to account for 2 hours prior to the flight, the duration of the flight, and then another potential 90 - 120 minutes after for good logistical measure. and don't forget about delays. your effing plane could be coming from or heading to o'hare. in addition to the time commitment, you must also figure that there will be walking. and when i say walking, i mean it sister. you'll potentially walk like it's your last day of walking. ever. there can only be a handful of golden-oldies strapped to that giant, geriatric, continental golf cart. and realistically, you're probably not going to be one of them.
so why, given what you know of the duration of time you'll be on your precious feet, would you wear brand new shoes? shoes that you don't know and shoes that you don't trust. they're not old pals. you don't know what they're capable of. if you don't know why i'm even asking because your analysis of the situation leads you to thoughts of instant comfort, then i guess you're not wearing cool shoes. and if you're not, that's ok. not everyone can be like me. i'm pretty sure these young baggy pants guys, girls of all ages, their moms, and grandma-types are planning to depart for their cute little trips and say "hey, you know what would be fun? if i went out and got new shoes for the trip! yay!". i think that's what's running through their pretty little minds.
i also have another theory... but of course. a lot of the time i see new sneakers. obviously sneakers make good sense for walking-intensive travel. however, if you had to go out and buy sneakers for the trip because you didn't have any to begin with, well, that just tells me that america probably should be overweight. if you didn't have the sneakers, you haven't been exercising and that's why america is so fat. now that i've conjectured all over this post, i think that's pretty much what's happening. america is fat and lazy so obviously all people in airports are wearing brand new shoes. really pretty obvious. you should've stopped me back at golden-oldies.
if the guy in the cube next door doesn't quit adjusting his sinus cavity, i'm going to get physical. and not in a good way.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
military alphabet
recently i decided to ensure i knew the military alphabet words. i mean, you never know when you're gonna need them. and since i care about people so much (you), i thought it would be helpful if i provided them here as your easy reference. no need to thank me. i know how much you appreciate it. x-ray, oscar. x-ray, oscar.
A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu
A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu
Friday, March 7, 2008
real quick
i don't know why everyone's afraid to just say it. so... me being the straight shooter that i am will help us out right here and now. we're in a recession. call it a day on all the fancy footwork. we're there.
on the subject of dogs boating, i like it. please watch the video in the link i'm providing. click on 'play commercial' in the top right. i'm pretty sure it will take you to the banner with the dog. if not, close out and try again until you see the dog. and don't get all "i'm too busy to click and close". you're not busy. you're here. i bet you should probably be focused on work or something right now but you're reading blogs instead. do what i say. i'm in charge.
if after you view said commercial, you find that it does not warm your heart, you're dead inside. go stand by fires and put them out with your ice cold heart.
ok. kisses.
http://www.discoverboating.com//
(or just be lazy and click this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0huSamSeys)
on the subject of dogs boating, i like it. please watch the video in the link i'm providing. click on 'play commercial' in the top right. i'm pretty sure it will take you to the banner with the dog. if not, close out and try again until you see the dog. and don't get all "i'm too busy to click and close". you're not busy. you're here. i bet you should probably be focused on work or something right now but you're reading blogs instead. do what i say. i'm in charge.
if after you view said commercial, you find that it does not warm your heart, you're dead inside. go stand by fires and put them out with your ice cold heart.
ok. kisses.
http://www.discoverboating.com//
(or just be lazy and click this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0huSamSeys)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
why i think guitar hero is cool
i don't really have anything to say today. the purpose of me being here right now is to see just how much i can write without having anything to write about. this is probably going to turn into something reminiscent of a standardized test "surprise" topic writing sample. let's have a go.
guitar hero is a great game. there's all kinds of guitar hero too, not just one that they force you to play with. there's like four. i chose the 80s encore edition because i have a fever, and the only cure is 80s music.
when you're playing guitar hero 80s encore, it's like you're really playing the guitar. it makes you feel bad ass because you get to rock out to some sweet 80s songs. i mean, it's not all bananas and dancing with toothbrushes, though. there's like 30 songs and they're not all totally sweet. like, the oingo boingo song "only a lad", that's not so great. or, "wrathchild" by some band i can't recall right now. maybe it's iron maiden. anyway, i was trying to say that it's not perfection. there's no def leppard and there's no bangles. one or both of these bands in the set list would bring us closer to living in a giant white bowl of red guitar hero cherries.
guitar hero is a fun game for kids of all ages. did you see what i did there? first sentence was like 4th grade summation line in support of my argument, my totally b*tchin' argument for guitar hero 80s encore. this is my 4th grade writing sample so i'm allowed to write about video games. also, i'm like 3x the age of a 4th grader so i'm therefore authorized to use words like 'b*tchin' as well.
i don't know if you have guitar hero in your possession, but if you do, you should always always be playing it. i'm only taking a break right now so that i can ensure you know the importance of the game. in life. seriously. stop reading this and go make guitar hero happen in your life. you'll thank me. if you are not sure how to go about doing this, one thing i can highly recommend is "friday night guitar hero wine party".
if you are not in possession of guitar hero, we should probably schedule a conference with your parents to discuss your recent performance in this classroom. not pretty, my friend. not pretty.
guitar hero is a great game. there's all kinds of guitar hero too, not just one that they force you to play with. there's like four. i chose the 80s encore edition because i have a fever, and the only cure is 80s music.
when you're playing guitar hero 80s encore, it's like you're really playing the guitar. it makes you feel bad ass because you get to rock out to some sweet 80s songs. i mean, it's not all bananas and dancing with toothbrushes, though. there's like 30 songs and they're not all totally sweet. like, the oingo boingo song "only a lad", that's not so great. or, "wrathchild" by some band i can't recall right now. maybe it's iron maiden. anyway, i was trying to say that it's not perfection. there's no def leppard and there's no bangles. one or both of these bands in the set list would bring us closer to living in a giant white bowl of red guitar hero cherries.
guitar hero is a fun game for kids of all ages. did you see what i did there? first sentence was like 4th grade summation line in support of my argument, my totally b*tchin' argument for guitar hero 80s encore. this is my 4th grade writing sample so i'm allowed to write about video games. also, i'm like 3x the age of a 4th grader so i'm therefore authorized to use words like 'b*tchin' as well.
i don't know if you have guitar hero in your possession, but if you do, you should always always be playing it. i'm only taking a break right now so that i can ensure you know the importance of the game. in life. seriously. stop reading this and go make guitar hero happen in your life. you'll thank me. if you are not sure how to go about doing this, one thing i can highly recommend is "friday night guitar hero wine party".
if you are not in possession of guitar hero, we should probably schedule a conference with your parents to discuss your recent performance in this classroom. not pretty, my friend. not pretty.
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