your new kicks are blinding me

i've got something really important to discuss here. i don't know how much i have to say on the matter so, whatever. in true seinfeld fashion, people in airports wearing brand new shoes, what. is. the. deal. i've been noticing that nearly all of the non-business travelers in airports are doing it and i can't make any sense of the scenario.

when you fly somewhere for business or leisure, you have to account for 2 hours prior to the flight, the duration of the flight, and then another potential 90 - 120 minutes after for good logistical measure. and don't forget about delays. your effing plane could be coming from or heading to o'hare. in addition to the time commitment, you must also figure that there will be walking. and when i say walking, i mean it sister. you'll potentially walk like it's your last day of walking. ever. there can only be a handful of golden-oldies strapped to that giant, geriatric, continental golf cart. and realistically, you're probably not going to be one of them.

so why, given what you know of the duration of time you'll be on your precious feet, would you wear brand new shoes? shoes that you don't know and shoes that you don't trust. they're not old pals. you don't know what they're capable of. if you don't know why i'm even asking because your analysis of the situation leads you to thoughts of instant comfort, then i guess you're not wearing cool shoes. and if you're not, that's ok. not everyone can be like me. i'm pretty sure these young baggy pants guys, girls of all ages, their moms, and grandma-types are planning to depart for their cute little trips and say "hey, you know what would be fun? if i went out and got new shoes for the trip! yay!". i think that's what's running through their pretty little minds.

i also have another theory... but of course. a lot of the time i see new sneakers. obviously sneakers make good sense for walking-intensive travel. however, if you had to go out and buy sneakers for the trip because you didn't have any to begin with, well, that just tells me that america probably should be overweight. if you didn't have the sneakers, you haven't been exercising and that's why america is so fat. now that i've conjectured all over this post, i think that's pretty much what's happening. america is fat and lazy so obviously all people in airports are wearing brand new shoes. really pretty obvious. you should've stopped me back at golden-oldies.

if the guy in the cube next door doesn't quit adjusting his sinus cavity, i'm going to get physical. and not in a good way.