spaldinggetyourfootofftheboat

i signed my life/savings to the title agent a little while ago and i love the house, but i still have major tightening in my chest due to the construction loan process being so fucking painful. every time i do something house related, it makes me feel like a giant ass. i don't know why. i have everything signed and delivered according to plan, i just feel so stupid at the mercy of gg homes and the bank. since i can't dwell on this, i'm thankful for several things. i'm healthy that i know of, i'm still employed (4 yrs tomorrow), i have a great family, my close friends are the best, i am actually building a beautiful house, i met my perfect man that i can't have, but someone that i could marry does really exist, i also met the other half of my brain, who without i don't know what i would do, def leppard has armageddon it, my niece is amazingly cute, i'm pretty smart, i'm funny sometimes, and i have an mba. so i guess i'm still doin alright over here. nickel knobs though. seriously. i don't care what extra 'debt' they bring. i need them bad. i get to go pick out my front door tomorrow and i'm a little drunk right now. it's fine.