you did your caff thing dog

it was going to be my forever secret with myself and 'we' were never going to tell anyone. i figured it was time to 'privately' discuss it in my 'diary'.

it was 4pm and my little work team was about to have a pretty serious, heavy meeting with our boss. on my way to 6i, i stopped in the bathroom for one quick, obvious reason. i go into stall 3 and line the seat with armor. i pull down my pants. i begin to descend...and that's when the unthinkable happened. my 2-way pager slides out of its worthless holder and right into the p-god and then sits there staring at me in waterlog. there's no way i'm interested in peeing anymore so i quickly assess the situation. i sort of have to pee. my pager's in the toilet swimming in the shallow end. my boss and team are waiting right outside since i'm always holding up everyone's processes. what to do. hmmm...jam your index finger and thumb into the icy depths to fish out the black plastic barbie computer and whisk it to anywhere but touching my skin. now, had it been tuesday morning, i might have just walked on out to the pager lady's desk and informed her of the tragedy, but seeing how it was after 4 on a friday and the office had tumbleweed rolling around, i knew i was out of luck and had to just suck the fat one. also, mrs. pager lady has sent me back to the bathroom to fish out pagers before. apparently they need to send the poop-ways back to the supplier for refurbishing. your phone/pager could've been in someone's feces. not mine, but i'm just saying. as one would imagine, this was pretty upsetting. you can wash your hands 3 times with enough soap to cleanse everything on guam, but it won't help. you pretty much have to suffer through the 93 minute meeting with your boss and be VERY aware of your right hand's whereabouts at ALL times. after the meeting, wash your hands 54 more times and then drown them in anitbacterial gel. then obviously go meet shop dungarees, sarah, and scott at the happy hour for a dortmunder and some bar stool porn game and then go home and shower. it's the only way to fix it.

so i had a few of the fingers on my right hand in 'clean' toilet water the other day and i haven't been the same since. i think the bottom line reads something like, 'i had my skin indirectly immersed in a lot of peoples' feces'.