why are you so attracted to rob schneider? he's little and kinda hairy. i do not know what your deal is, but i am amused. i mean really. deuce bigalow, male tasty. what? you have issues. get some help.
margarita jug going well. thanks for asking.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
you're a lazy hor
no. wait. i'm a lazy hor. i will be on vacation soon so that's me. not you. sorry for any hardships my title may have caused.
while i'm not working for the man, i will be enjoying my life for a change. i was just thinking of activities for a suitable agenda and luckily, i was able to throw some things together. have a look at what i'm thinking thus far:
some time after 7am - awaken
some time after i awaken -drink delicious coffee
some time after drinking delicious coffee - dress in suitable clothing
some time after dressing in suitable clothing - drive to gc for some number of holes (golf. what other kind would i be trying to drive into)
some time after suitable amount of hole driving - return home and lose 90% of clothing, text boy toy
some time after losing clothing - lay poolside with pre-made margarita jug
some time after being kicked out of neighborhood pool - return home for nap
some time after waking from nap - play ddr in my kitchen and kick its ass
some time after kicking ddr's ass - conduct 80s dance party in aforementioned kitchen
some time after bitchin 80s dance party - pass out on cold kitchen floor
some time after kitchen floor pass out - relocate to first floor bedroom, adjacent to kitchen
some time after relocation - awaken sometime after 7am
it's a lather, rinse, repeat. i think it's a winner. i didn't want to cloud the agenda with too many details, however, there will be time for blogging. i don't want anyone to feel left out of my time off. i want you to feel left in.
because i'm still dedicated to dotting your lives with wisdom, here's a snap of the safety precautions that arrived alongside of my ddr dance pads. you guys be sure to avoid strong jump or shake because i worry about ya when we're not together.
while i'm not working for the man, i will be enjoying my life for a change. i was just thinking of activities for a suitable agenda and luckily, i was able to throw some things together. have a look at what i'm thinking thus far:
some time after 7am - awaken
some time after i awaken -drink delicious coffee
some time after drinking delicious coffee - dress in suitable clothing
some time after dressing in suitable clothing - drive to gc for some number of holes (golf. what other kind would i be trying to drive into)
some time after suitable amount of hole driving - return home and lose 90% of clothing, text boy toy
some time after losing clothing - lay poolside with pre-made margarita jug
some time after being kicked out of neighborhood pool - return home for nap
some time after waking from nap - play ddr in my kitchen and kick its ass
some time after kicking ddr's ass - conduct 80s dance party in aforementioned kitchen
some time after bitchin 80s dance party - pass out on cold kitchen floor
some time after kitchen floor pass out - relocate to first floor bedroom, adjacent to kitchen
some time after relocation - awaken sometime after 7am
it's a lather, rinse, repeat. i think it's a winner. i didn't want to cloud the agenda with too many details, however, there will be time for blogging. i don't want anyone to feel left out of my time off. i want you to feel left in.
because i'm still dedicated to dotting your lives with wisdom, here's a snap of the safety precautions that arrived alongside of my ddr dance pads. you guys be sure to avoid strong jump or shake because i worry about ya when we're not together.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
smooth operator
there is 1 reasons for my coolness as of late. yes, yes. you are correct - i was always cool and always very operatively smooth. however, i did 1 extra cool things in the last 3 days, which i will share with you momentarily.
but first, i would like to take this time to speak about DDR, aka 'dance dance revolution'. i possess this treasure and wanted you to know that DDR extreme 2 is way easier than DDR max 2. DDR max 2 will kinda kick your butt. f. y. i. if you happen to be peeping into my kitchen like the peeper that you are, you will find me in there dancing like i have no tomorrow. it's ok. i want you to watch. keep doing it.
now for my coolness. i'm sharing this with everyone because i want it to take hold and gain in popularity so others may enjoy the fruits of this labor. it all went down friday afternoon at happy hour. i was with horface and special dark. chop, scott, and keith had just hit the road. we were chilling with our summer ales; sarah with her vodka cran, when i noticed a handsome young gent seated at the bar that was just across the aisle. he was totally my type so i couldn't stop sneaking stares. about 15 minutes later, his pal showed up - also totally my type. if you know my type, you're wondering why it's even my type. if you don't know my type, it's a skinny, light-haired, dude with glasses. he and i were catching a glimpse every few minutes and i think we made eye contact twice.
so the old staring competition went on for about 25 minutes when i decided that i was going to do something as my time at this bar was soon to end. after all, it's rare that i happen upon one of these specimens even once a year. this is when i let horface and special dark in on the fun. i disclosed my move; "the sbc slider" - sbc standing for "strategic business card". i was going to write my cell digits alongside a clever little message and pass it to said dude upon my exit route. horface and special dark approved and felt that my plan was surreal and usually only seen in movies. indeed. by a show of comments, who has ever done this or had it done to them?
the plan was thrown into action as we made our way out of the bar, me trailing in last position. he stirred a bit as it was clear that we were leaving. now for the magic: i kinda slid up to him, touched his arm, and slid my clever little message card into his bar space while i muttered "hey, here you go", and just continued out of the establishment without a second look or thought. seriously, how james bond is that.
well party people, mr. michael business card called danielle approximately 24 hours later. yeah he did. we're havin drinks this week. i recommend this tricky trick if you can't bear to leave the venue where the cute person is and not make sure they have your number. it was pretty liberating knowing that he had my digits and that was all i could do. i didn't have to wonder what could've happened because i knew he would call if he could. and if he couldn't, i did what i needed to do.
but first, i would like to take this time to speak about DDR, aka 'dance dance revolution'. i possess this treasure and wanted you to know that DDR extreme 2 is way easier than DDR max 2. DDR max 2 will kinda kick your butt. f. y. i. if you happen to be peeping into my kitchen like the peeper that you are, you will find me in there dancing like i have no tomorrow. it's ok. i want you to watch. keep doing it.
now for my coolness. i'm sharing this with everyone because i want it to take hold and gain in popularity so others may enjoy the fruits of this labor. it all went down friday afternoon at happy hour. i was with horface and special dark. chop, scott, and keith had just hit the road. we were chilling with our summer ales; sarah with her vodka cran, when i noticed a handsome young gent seated at the bar that was just across the aisle. he was totally my type so i couldn't stop sneaking stares. about 15 minutes later, his pal showed up - also totally my type. if you know my type, you're wondering why it's even my type. if you don't know my type, it's a skinny, light-haired, dude with glasses. he and i were catching a glimpse every few minutes and i think we made eye contact twice.
so the old staring competition went on for about 25 minutes when i decided that i was going to do something as my time at this bar was soon to end. after all, it's rare that i happen upon one of these specimens even once a year. this is when i let horface and special dark in on the fun. i disclosed my move; "the sbc slider" - sbc standing for "strategic business card". i was going to write my cell digits alongside a clever little message and pass it to said dude upon my exit route. horface and special dark approved and felt that my plan was surreal and usually only seen in movies. indeed. by a show of comments, who has ever done this or had it done to them?
the plan was thrown into action as we made our way out of the bar, me trailing in last position. he stirred a bit as it was clear that we were leaving. now for the magic: i kinda slid up to him, touched his arm, and slid my clever little message card into his bar space while i muttered "hey, here you go", and just continued out of the establishment without a second look or thought. seriously, how james bond is that.
well party people, mr. michael business card called danielle approximately 24 hours later. yeah he did. we're havin drinks this week. i recommend this tricky trick if you can't bear to leave the venue where the cute person is and not make sure they have your number. it was pretty liberating knowing that he had my digits and that was all i could do. i didn't have to wonder what could've happened because i knew he would call if he could. and if he couldn't, i did what i needed to do.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
heed. pants. now.
so hi there. i've been racking my brain for nuggets of wisdom and coming up dry. part of the problem with the new wisdom and truth platform is that i decided to implement it at a time when i've essentially stopped drinking as well. there's nothing interesting happening around here unless i'm drunk. we can throw that "you have a drinking problem" crap out the window. life's a little more interesting when you're high on alcohol or cigarettes. trust me. well, i mean you know. you see the frequency of posts when i'm dry. what do you think?
my friend tim asked me why i haven't been drinking. like, he said, "why, danielle? why no drinks anymore?" he asked because a) i used to drink a lot and b) i'm still as unhappy as i've ever been with my life. i thought about it for a while and said, "i think i'm not drinking because i'm sad and depressed." he said, "but sad, depressed people drink. a lot. like, it gets dangerous."
so, in light of my friend tim's wisdom, i'm going to be kicking it up a few notches again. i'm going to start drinking more than just a glass of wine or a bud light. i'm going to have a few glasses of wine and a few bud lights (all in the same effort). and, then i'm going to top that off with a menthol light(s) that i will probably purchase from chop's neighbor who rolls them by hand in his garage so as to cheapen the expense of the ones you buy at the store. he can make his own for a $1 a pop. he now spends $600 a year on cigs instead of $3600. i commend you, tall bob. good show.
there's your truth. roll your own cigs. then sell them to me for a $1. also, drink while you smoke. and maybe don't let your kids get their wisdom and truth from here.
my friend tim asked me why i haven't been drinking. like, he said, "why, danielle? why no drinks anymore?" he asked because a) i used to drink a lot and b) i'm still as unhappy as i've ever been with my life. i thought about it for a while and said, "i think i'm not drinking because i'm sad and depressed." he said, "but sad, depressed people drink. a lot. like, it gets dangerous."
so, in light of my friend tim's wisdom, i'm going to be kicking it up a few notches again. i'm going to start drinking more than just a glass of wine or a bud light. i'm going to have a few glasses of wine and a few bud lights (all in the same effort). and, then i'm going to top that off with a menthol light(s) that i will probably purchase from chop's neighbor who rolls them by hand in his garage so as to cheapen the expense of the ones you buy at the store. he can make his own for a $1 a pop. he now spends $600 a year on cigs instead of $3600. i commend you, tall bob. good show.
there's your truth. roll your own cigs. then sell them to me for a $1. also, drink while you smoke. and maybe don't let your kids get their wisdom and truth from here.
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