heed. pants. now.

so hi there. i've been racking my brain for nuggets of wisdom and coming up dry. part of the problem with the new wisdom and truth platform is that i decided to implement it at a time when i've essentially stopped drinking as well. there's nothing interesting happening around here unless i'm drunk. we can throw that "you have a drinking problem" crap out the window. life's a little more interesting when you're high on alcohol or cigarettes. trust me. well, i mean you know. you see the frequency of posts when i'm dry. what do you think?

my friend tim asked me why i haven't been drinking. like, he said, "why, danielle? why no drinks anymore?" he asked because a) i used to drink a lot and b) i'm still as unhappy as i've ever been with my life. i thought about it for a while and said, "i think i'm not drinking because i'm sad and depressed." he said, "but sad, depressed people drink. a lot. like, it gets dangerous."

so, in light of my friend tim's wisdom, i'm going to be kicking it up a few notches again. i'm going to start drinking more than just a glass of wine or a bud light. i'm going to have a few glasses of wine and a few bud lights (all in the same effort). and, then i'm going to top that off with a menthol light(s) that i will probably purchase from chop's neighbor who rolls them by hand in his garage so as to cheapen the expense of the ones you buy at the store. he can make his own for a $1 a pop. he now spends $600 a year on cigs instead of $3600. i commend you, tall bob. good show.

there's your truth. roll your own cigs. then sell them to me for a $1. also, drink while you smoke. and maybe don't let your kids get their wisdom and truth from here.