rest in peace, little max.

some thoughts i have for youz guys

1. a-ha - 'take on me' is the greatest music video to ever grace our faces. it might also be the greatest 80s song to ever do that as well but i can't make that declaration right at this moment. that would be complicated and bold and it's getting late and i've had "some" wine.

2. if you watch airplanes approach the airport at night like i do sometimes from my giant windows, you'll notice that they much resemble unusually large, illuminated phallics. i just used that word however i wanted. conversate is another word i do that with because i do what i want.

3. i would go live here in a heartbeat, tomorrow, if they would have me.

4. wolf spider count '07 = 2. wolf spider decessions count '07 = 2. they had to die and deep down, i kinda think they wanted it that way because they are dark, sick, and twisted.

4. steph and sarah will lick your eye if you are not careful. so, i would be careful unless you want that.

tuh-may-toe, ta-mah-toe

hey so, why am i the only one on the planet who loves tomatoes? like, i effing love them. i love roma, heirloom, yellow, grape, cherry, sun-dried, you name it, tomatoes. i am to the point of obsession where i could tell you the difference between them in a blind taste test - not that you would care or be able to determine if i was even right because you hate them so much. and you know what? they hate you. maybe quit growing them in your garden.

some people i know are obsessed with drinking water. i agree that this is a worthwhile cause and i partake as much as one can. i'm just saying, tomatoes. sure, they ooze and gush when you take a bite. that's all just part of the magic. we all know you've had way worse oozy things in your mouth.

my neighbor threw two at me yesterday for my burgers because he knows, nothing's better than premium burgers hot off the grill, draped in thin slices of succulent, red, coolness. seriously. what's wrong with you. they are both delicious and nutritious. hello. lycopene. where are you getting your lycopene. you probably aren't. good luck with that.

i would say more but you'll be dead soon from lycopene deficiency so i won't.

now let's go melt some faces

ok. i know you're like me. you know tons of people. i know tons of people. let's make magic happen with all the people we know.

i would like to "get to know" one of the following handsome, gentle, kind, young, boys next door types. i would for you to help me, help you, help me get in touch with one or all of them. here they are in no particular order - ryan reynolds, jesse bradford, adam brody, cappie from greek, josh duhamel, or jerry o'connell if you can make it so that he stops loving his brand new wife for me. it's hollywood and it could happen. and way sooner than you think. so yeah. let's get "our" networks in gear and get one of these hot, hot men in my great room. stat!

i know. i know. you're wondering where the wisdom and truth happens in this one. well, friends, it happens right here. with your help, we can all learn just how powerful networking can be when i finally get the chance to delicately entice jonathan bennett in several inappropriate ways this blog should not disclose. i gotta keep this place safe for the minors. oh, minors. do not add any minors to the list because that would be a list of boys we would not be tracking down unless you have devised a machine suitable for time travel, in which case, we would now have a whole other list that would need to be attended to, my friends. and if you were holding out on me with news of your time machine... i would be all kinds of hurt. but the wine would help. all the expensive, dry, red, red wine would help.

bing bong

when i was growing up in big don's house, she had a rule that stuck with me (among hundreds that did not); always, always call before you try to stop at someone's house unannounced. whenever the bell rang, we were not allowed to answer it unless we had previously received a call on said visit. it was very annoying to me and my sister because we just wanted to answer the effing door in case a boy was trying to visit us (usually not though as most people feared big don like they feared heights or ice cream trucks). then one day, a switch flipped in our brains and we didn't move an inch if doorbell ringing was not preceded by telephone ringing. it's like our big don programming just all of a sudden kicked in, never to be undone. i think she wanted us to be the types of people that didn't jump at the sound of a bell or car horn. done and done, big d.

which brings me to today. i personally don't answer the door when it rings because 4 times out of 5, it's a jesus person trying to sell jesus to me and if i move off the sofa to find that it isn't mr. fantasy arriving to whisk me off to vegas, i'mna get violent. if my mom or sister are in the driveway, my phone immediately starts ringing and then it's drums of fun for hours. and hours.

i guess the moral of the story is that i think this is a suitable tradition in our modern day and age. call people before you ring their bell because if ya don't, they may have to get up off the sofa and answer the door to find someone trying to sell jesus to them (because you probably won't be just ringing peoples' doorbells at 9pm on a thursday night if you're not). think if it was you. you would be pretty annoyed to journey all the way to the front door for THAT. also, what if they're indecent? you probly don't wanna see that shit. unless of course it's ryan reynolds hanging out all by his lonesome wearing only a pair of worn in jeans so you show up all soaking wet in nothing but a trenchcoat, holding a sizable... wait. that's neither here nor there. next time, maybe just try txting/ringing before you ding. wisdom and truth '07.

come to me, cover me, hold me

i'm hungover. here's what's been going on in my life:

a) i've been playing golf because i rule at it:















b) chop at poker trying to entice okayseriously to come over and join the fun (to no avail):















c) hot vendor guy and i at erasure concert where they had giant condoms on the bar for the taking; here's what tequila shots and chains of love looks like:















d) indians game with new employer - workin pretty hard in my sweet seats:















e) karaoke revolution - how can i be so freaking good at this:














and i love that new show greek. you should so watch it.