bachelorettes and sausages

there are some things i'm going to do in 2007. they're not necessarily resolutions, either. i just want them. really bad. you already know about one so that's not going to be a surprise. number two might be a surprise, but i know you and you like surprises so you'll be fine. this is them in no particular order:

1. open a hip wine bar because i love wine and i love bars & i'll probably need a new hip one day
2. be provided with an icy forever diamond for my left hand's ring finger

that's it. just those. #2 can happen first or it can happen second. like i said, i won't mind which order but i will be severely (further) damaged if neither happens within the next 300 days.

in other matters, i went out with some of my people on saturday night. it was fun. we ate polish food from a very polish place. we sat beside a man. the man played piano music for us. it was delightful. here is a picture of my friend meg. she's always got her mouth near something. seriously, will you please look at her eyes? be glad you are not that kielbasa sausage. man. this picture alone is enough to hold this post afloat. there's more.















after meg finished up with her bidness, we proceeded to a bar. the bar was unreasonably inexpensive. there were five of us and i was able to buy a round of the alcoholic beverages for under $18. wtf. why am i not still there. i don't know. oh i know. the bachelorettes. they're why we had to leave. they would not get off the boys we had in attendance. literally.

whilst imbibing at this magical bar, bachelorettes showed up. you knew they would. and these were no ordinary bachelorettes. these bachelorettes had giant racks AND blue balls affixed to their heads by way of plastic headbands. i can really only say one thing in response to this; holy freakin awesome you big b-rettes. and also, i believe i attended middle school with the one who couldn't stop taunting people with her blue balls. strange situation to find ourselves in, yes? they were smashed pretty darn good but still lucid enough to be able to determine that the now six of us were totally sweet bitches and dudes. as soon as they could, they sloshed their midwestern cloud on over to our table. you would be remiss if you did not figure they had a bachelorette party card game in tow.

they were in search of a boy who would assist them in their quest for 100 points. all he had to do was tear his shirt off and pump his guns before a crowded bar. luckily, like i said before, we are all sweet bitches and dudes so my friend f.n.g. agreed to strip for the drunk ladies. any of us would have done anything to assist anyone attain 100 points. you probably would do the same. it's 100 points and that's a lot of points. so he stood up as i motioned to everyone to ensure we had a sizable gallery for the spectacle on deck. in one swift movement, he tore his shirt up and flexed for the cameras. the ladies cheered. the cameras flashed. f.n.g.'s bare chest is now on my blog for the whole world to see. thanks, man. and thanks to you, b-rettes. and also to meg and the sausages.
















if you look closely, you can see the blue balls on her head. oh yes. i just did. snap.