desperately seeking sanity

i'm going to go all over the place in this one, but not in a gross way like i did early last week at my sister's house.

the saga begins with some people requesting that i spend 6 straight hours with them at work and then afterwards, i couldn't even spell my own names - like, not one of the five. at one point during the sober numbness, i thought that i might be on board with someone calling me out into the hallway to blow my head off. and i know you won't find any part of this to be surprising, but there were also several instances where i had in-depth daydreams involving vodka, spiced rum, margaritas, and then godiva's cappuccino liqueur - because frankly, i can't figure out what to do with it. if you've uncovered a use for that anomaly, please let me know. i just have one bit of advice there and it's that you stick to every other flavor of godiva liqueur. the cappuccino variety both tastes and smells like, well, ass - and i should know given my history with ass.

but the reason i was telling you about the 6 hour meeting to begin with was because i also made some really important declarations while i was there. firstly, i decided to give mr. clean magic erasers a second go 'round. i employed those jokers once and it was just not what i hoped it would be. HOWEVER, tonight's results were astounding and i'm confident that it's not just because i was a little drunk. those things are unreal. my guest bathroom had these "marks" on the wall from when big don was over on xmas. she was in that small room with 3 other people and i can only guess that they got *a little* carried away in there. there's no other logical explanation. i took that magical eraser into that battle zone tonight and together we worked miracles. those marks disappeared instantly and now it looks as though nothing ever happened on that poor wall. ah the wondrous technology of the new millennium. it's remarkable.

the other things that i can list as secondly are that i decided the professions of my unborn, un-conceived, non-existent children this afternoon as well. they will either be pharmacists or meteorologists when they grow up into their bitter drunken adult suits one day. i have recently been pondering the merits of these two careers and i think they're just what my family of the future ordered. we'd like to be somehow super-sized so meteorologists and pharmacists it is. we all know they will appreciate my running their lives until they're 30 (when they turn 40 and find that they like their lives). mama-dan knows best.

thirdly, meatball sandwiches are good. why i don't eat them every minute of every day excapes me. i know you know.