i was going to tell you about my recent run-ins with brett michaels, but i'm sure you don't even care because no one wants to hear about poison anymore. they are old news. literally. very old. and, along those same lines, brett should cut his old damn hair. he looks like brett michaels shaved all the long, flowing, crimped, unruly, bleached, streaky blonde hair off of all the hair bands of the 80s and created a hair suit, except not for his body - for his head. it puts the lotion in the basket. er, deep conditioner on its hair. and gets it cut, and i mean like more than once every 6 years. and stop loving yourself so damn much. your time is gone pal. brett michaels is a pain in my giant sweet ass lately. seriously. i welcome any ideas anyone has on how i might extract his things from my stuff.
after i spent the day sifting through brett's hair, i finally left work and stopped off to pick up a few essentials. and by essentials, i mean bud light cans, menthol lights, and lottery tickets. i stopped at the cute little grocery by my house and purchased only these 3 items. how much did brett michaels influence ME today!? well, you know. he and i are crazy bitches. you know.
JV texted me from horlando and first told me that special dark had changed out of his pump clothes. all i have to say is YES. i want to see these pump clothes. immediately. and stat. i mean, don't you? pump clothes? hello! how often do you get to see someone in their pump clothes. dammit. let's do this.
he then esplained that they were gonna drink dial me. i loves when the mens drink dial me. and i just had an idea; i will get him to send mms pics to me of the wide variety of email nerds there so i can post them for you here and then we can all share in some type of physical reaction to them - nerds in florida. i'm not sure that film ever got made. right?
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GODDAMMIT.
ReplyDeleteI TOLD you my effing blackberry guesses the wrong word all the time, and yet you still mock me.
See if I tell you how to exterminate Brett Michaels now.
You just reminded me of a really really good dirty dream I had about Bret Michaels back in the 80's. *tingling* Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd - wait, WHAT? Why are you all up in his hair? What? I'm confused. And it can't possibly be the bourbon.
you're fine, jv. go back to the pool and shut it.
ReplyDeletei don't know what happened cm. brett walked into my life a couple weeks ago and now he's all up in my grill (at work). ok so, it's not actually him but man she embodies his twin. it's horrible. i heart bourbon.
Okay first of all it's Bret with one T and second of all you better not be dissing the real Bret Michaels because I will disown you and when you say no one wants to hear about Poison anymore I'm assuming you really mean everyone because EVERYONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT POISON, HOR!!!!
ReplyDeletepump clothes... lol.
ReplyDeleteFor a second, I thought maybe Danielle was a hair dresser and Bret was a client.
Wasn't he on that reality show with MCHammer and Webster? That pretty much signifies the end of anyones career if your on MTV and not in a video.
Evry rose has its thorn...
ReplyDeleteScott had a black baby.
ReplyDeleteyou're saying brett michaels is still alive?
ReplyDeletehuh.
Ok, but go to his web page (yes, he has one).... The splash page...Oh. MY. GOD. Kinda like the difference between "Young Elvis" and "Old, Fat Elvis", Bret very wisely only has pics of his younger, hotter self. Oh baby, oh baby, OH!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bretmichaels.com/
ReplyDeleteForgot that part.
Thank you Sarah, Thank you.
ReplyDeleteSgt - Let me interject here: That is C.C. DeVille. Get your stupid reality shows straight next time. But nice effort - they were in the same band.
ReplyDeleteAnd what's been up with the blog Danielle? I've been locked out of here for like a whole day or two? Effin blogger.
Her blog needed some "alone time". But rumor has it, 15 Minute Lunch was over... I can't confirm this, but with JV away on "business" its entirely possible.
ReplyDelete@CM: Actually it was Vince Neil who was on Surreal Life. I was wrong on all accounts.
Beg your pardon Sgt. CC DeVille is on one right now. VH1. It's so lame. It's something about a-listers and b-listers. UM HELLO, IF YOU'RE ON THESE SHOWS, YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE B-LIST. Hollywood these days.
ReplyDeleteYeah sarge, my blog was also down for a while. I can't vouch for its whereabouts, but that sounds pretty logical to me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that's his real hair. It can't be. Why do you think he always wears some bandana/cowboy hat combo?
ReplyDelete